You feel like you are dying? like your heart is physically reaping itself apart shred by shred? You can’t get out of bed for days, constantly crying yourself to sleep? Guess what! It’s all okay, it gets better with time.
Dark, dirty, beautiful love! It will have you up at the most ungodly hours wondering why you were never good enough, why it had to be you or why it just couldn’t work out with your ‘soulmate’
Love! Romantic or not is mystical and magical. And nothing good ever comes easy. Love infiltrates the risks you never thought possible in the cosmos.
To love and let yourself be loved means allowing yourself to become vulnerable. Vulnerable to the possibility of being hurt or disappointed.
That horrid pain that comes from losing the person you had planned out your life with can be brutally devastating!
Fixing a broken heart
Pain is okay. In fact, if you are feeling pain after a breakup, you should be happy. Absurd!!! right? But yes! Feeling pain simply means that you are still human, that you are still optimistic, romantic and most importantly you still believe in love.
Mathew Hussey author of Get the Guy states that pain is a just a symptom for an underlying condition. Buut! Our perception of pain is what really matters. The Pain of a failed relationship can be so intense that it makes you lose your drive or ambition or it can just be a lesson that helps you understand what you want in future Mathew Hussey.
What to avoid
The impacts of rejection can really suck! Leaving you questioning your whole existence, assuming and concluding the reasons behind why your not so ‘significant other’ just up and left.
But being hurt by somebody you thought you would spend the rest of your life with is not the worst thing that could happen to you. Yes! I know this sounds far-fetched and inconsiderate. But there is more to life than wallowing over what you can't control.
- Recognize that simply because somebody didn’t find you good enough, it doesn’t mean you are not good enough. Everyone has their own concepts of what is good for them and what they want. Give yourself time, you will be okay!
- Distractions may seem like the best idea right now, but are they really? Distracting yourself only, if anything, gives you temporary relief. Yeah! Go on holiday, get you a new boo, hang out with friends, binge drink; you know whatever gets you not to think about that person who caused you soo much pain noted by Mathew Hussey. At the end of it all, the pain is still there! What happens when you are all alone? The pain will creep up on you and BOOM! Back to having a terrible sh*tty emotional roller-coaster. Basically, do not evade the pain! That pain is okay. With time, it will fizzle out.
- Pretending you’re okay. Mourn, cry, punch the wall (not really, coz you will get hurt! Instead you can go for something light say, pillow), talk to your friends. Take some quiet time and focus on making yourself better. Don’t let your pride get in the way of what you’re really feeling.
- Never give up on love. Love is not a one-time experience. Have hope that you will get somebody who will appreciate your flaws and accept you for who you are.
How do you mend a broken heart?
Being heartbroken is not the worst thing to happen to you. Not experiencing that deep gutter roll type of love is actually far worse.
Pain is inevitable.
In order to jumpstart your healing process, accept the pain. Own it! It is a natural human reaction to feel pain for losing something that meant so much to you. Acknowledging pain is essential in the process of healing a broken heart.
You might be feeling powerless, frustrated or devastatingly sad, but that is okay. Make these feelings your best friend. Allow yourself to feel all pain. It’s okay!
Forgive your ex
Show them kindness as noted in Health, this is a positive way of ensuring that you get a sense of stability and peace of mind. Crazy right? Showing kindness to your ex is almost close to impossible but it’s a necessity, it helps you let go of the pain, hurt and anger you feel towards this person.
If they apologize, accept the apology. Put yourself in their shoes and acknowledge that these people might have been in a different place emotionally hence the break-up and now the heart break. It will be hard, but it will help you to move forward.
Change your perception of the situation
Reconstructing your frame of thought is vital. Daily Mail notes that, reframing your line of thought from thinking the end of your relationship is your end to happiness. Instead, you can change this outcome and tweak it to your advantage.
Involve yourself in the things that you love doing. Aim to make progress or achieve goals, follow up in supporting that cause you believe in, concentrate on the important aspects of your life that will give you fulfillment and a sense of achievement notes Mathew Hussey. Including these activities in your life will help you understand that life matters and the sense of possibility generally.
Write down what you are feeling
Jot down whatever you are feeling, exactly the way it's crossing your mind. Organize the thoughts and write them down.
Journal about the possible reasons you think the relationship ended, how it reached to that point and what you would have changed if given the chance. Go crazy! Whatever is running across your mind, journal it!
Writing your thoughts will help you understand your feelings and actually make sense of it. Better yet, you can write your thoughts in form of a letter addressing it to your ex but never send it.
Health notes, that writing down your feelings and thoughts helps you discover some valuable insights such as what you might have missed in the relationship and what you hadn’t.
Process of healing a broken heart is almost like the process of grief
You will face denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance according to Huffington Post. Additionally,
- You need to understand that your feelings and love were true and just because it didn’t end as you had hoped or planned for, they weren’t true or real. You are not crazy for having loved some one that much.
- Love is a blessing no matter the outcome. If the love ends painfully it's okay! in fact, during the heart break and healing process, you will learn so much that you didn't know about. If your love story is like that of "Waiting for Forever" good for you!
- Consider that everything happens for a reason: Life ensures that you get all the experiences that are most helpful to you in order to grow consciously. A failed relationship does not mean you have failed.
- Live in the present: do not dwell on the past or worry about the future. Dwell in the present. Use mindfulness techniques such as meditation and deep breathing.
- Let go of feelings of hate, anger and revenge: feelings of anger, hatred or revenge only exacerbates the situation further, which may lead to depression and prevent us from moving forward.
- Get support: recruit your close friends or family members to help you get through this hard time.
- Understand that you are worthy, lovable and more than good enough: just because your relationship ended or the concept of somebody else’s idea of being worthy, did not foster your relationship does not mean that you are not worthy. Because you are!
- Love yourself: self- love is very important, rest and eat well, exercise if you want to but take care of yourself.
- Accept that this too will pass: believing that this period will eventually come to pass is important. You never know how resilient your spirit is until it gets to that point when you have to get yourself out of that tight fix. You are stronger than you think!
- Mathew Hussey: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxJ99xu-B7g
- USnews.com: http://health.usnews.com/health-news/articles/2012/03/22/8-steps-to-mend-a-broken-heart
- Daily Mail: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-165247/10-steps-heal-broken-heart.html
- Huffington Post: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joyce-marter-/broken-heart_b_4645774.html