First dates are always awkward. You are not sure whether you will like the person, whether they will like you, whether they are sycophants or whether you guys will click. The most important questions however are; will we have sex later? My place or your place?
You won’t believe that even in the 21st century people still shamefully stigmatize women who have sex on the first date. Despite being a population that’s enlightened and all, we still view this as the main determiner of whether the moment is broken or made. This makes most of us agonize about what to do on the first date. What are the right moves?
Society has expectations from us that make us disregard our own desires and feelings. We are too busy trying to figure out what the other person wants that we forget to listen to what we want too. This especially happens to women. We give men too much power and allow them to judge us.
Sex is not an exchange of goods and services, whereby a woman gives, and the man says thank you for treating me to a nice dinner. Sleeping with a guy should not negatively impact how the relationship moves on from there on. Sex on this day should not be the reason a relationship does not work out. It’s just sex.
There is nothing wrong with sleeping with someone on the first date. No one should think ill of you or judge you and you should not apologize for it. If you are hot and you want to smash it with your date, then go for it.
Furthermore, a study done by the cosmopolitan found that 67% of men do not think less of a woman who has sex on the first date. Men are simple creatures if he doesn’t call you back, then maybe he is a douche, he didn’t feel the spark, is too picky or hates commitments. The misconception that you gave it up too soon should not be on your mind at all.
If I haven’t convinced you yet, then here are some reasons as to why you should do it with no guilt or apologies:
You want to do it?
The fact that you are going on a date with this person means that at some point you expect to have sex with them. So, why not do it then, why wait? So long as you are both consenting adults who understand what this sex will or won’t mean, then go for it.
There is nothing wrong with first date sex, you are an adult and society should not pressure you by dictating when you should seek pleasure. After all sexual desire is felt when we want to have it not when falling in love, so, why deny yourself? Chances are also that your date wants it as badly as you do, so don’t be hesitant on their behalf.
Casual sex is liberating
It’s the purest form of pleasure and it’s empowering. You can have incredible sex with people you barely know. It’s one of the joys of growing up. You choose to enjoy it because you feel like it without getting labeled. Enjoy it for what it is and move on.
This does not necessarily mean that it will be a one-night stand. No! there are plenty of people whose relationships started with sex on the first date. This relationship then grew into more and the fact that they made out is irrelevant. It’s what they felt for each other and what they were willing to do for the relationship that matters.
It allows you to know the other person intimately
Meeting someone new is scary; do they make you laugh? Do they make the date interesting? Do you guys have sexual chemistry? The first-time sex may or may not be the best performance, but it gives you an idea into how good or bad your date is in bed.
Sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship. First date sex allows you to establish whether the compatibility is there or not. If you enjoy it, then the compatibility is spot on!
First dates are not always genuine. I mean, there is the pretend part where you are Mr. or Mrs. Perfect. But when you finally let your guard down during sex, you get a true glimpse into what your date is really like.
It also allows you to know whether you like the person depending on how they live. Are they clean? Is their house messy? How is their taste in furniture?? Can you live with them if the relationship kicks off after this day?
You get into a relaxed zone with your date
The weird first date zone disappears once you’ve had sex. There is a bonding that occurs during this time to a level where you are comfortable with each other’s bodies whether naked or clothed. There is no beating around the bush anymore when you want to see them again. If you discover that you had fun but can’t make the relationship serious, then you get yourself a fuck buddy! It’s a win-win really and it doesn’t get better than that.
It can be a loss at times too especially if you or your date are not upfront about things after the sex. Some people will make you doubt yourself or ghost you after, and such people are a certain kind of evil. They are the worst, really! How long would it take to text someone, “hey, last night was great but we can’t do it again? Have a good life.” Simple as that. But at least you now know that you guys were not meant to be and you don’t have to waste time with them anymore.
At the end of the day, it’s about how attracted you are to the other person. Did you like each other? Were you attracted to them? These are the things that determine whether the relationship continues. So, whether you have sex on the first date does not matter. Most first time dates fail because people don’t know each other well and this will happen whether you have sex or not.
Sex is healthy
Sex is good for you and your body. There should be no shame in having it and satisfying your needs.
If there is chemistry between the two of you from the start, then why wait. It doesn’t really matter if you hook up on the first date or after seven. Sex should not be turned into this momentous decision. Chances are that when you finally do it after planning for it, it won’t be good. There will be too much caution or too much hunger to really enjoy it. Spontaneity is great because you surprise each other as you move along.
Another reason you should sleep together is to avoid the pressure the idea of having sex builds up as the relationship progresses. You keep questioning whether today is the day you finally do it on every date you go to. When the sexual tension builds up, awkwardness and overanalyzing begin. When the D-day arrives, you both have too many expectations which may end up disappointing you.
Be cautious however since sex on the first date requires a level of trust that you may not be comfortable with. It requires you to go with a stranger to a totally isolated place and put yourself in their hands. If you are not comfortable having a stranger touch you then don’t do it.
Be cautious though since it sometimes complicates things. According to American researchers, the hormone oxytocin is released during sex. This lowers defenses and makes us more trusting, empathetic and makes us want to bond. Women produce this hormone in higher quantities which means that they will most likely let their guard down and fall in love after sex. Whether it’s casual or marriage material sex, oxytocin will be released, and this may build a bond if the relationship continues. If it doesn’t however, the woman will feel miserable.
Men, on the other hand, receive a surge of pleasure since during orgasm, the dopamine hormone is released. This is the pleasure hormone and it can be addictive. This is the reason why a woman may fall in love after sleeping with a guy while a man will just want more sex. This could mess up whether you like the person or not.
The decision to have sex on the first date solely lies on your feelings. It’s for you to decide and fuck what society thinks. If you decide to go for it, make sure that a trusted friend knows where you are and don’t forget to use protection.